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coachkev

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Reply with quote  #41 

 

PART 1 OF RUSS CARRINGTONS WORLD OF INVENTIONS

 

Russ Carrington INVENTS a NEW way to tie LOTS of HOLES together:

He calls it.......wait for it...................

A THOUGHTSOCCER NET:

He also realised that a spin off from this is that IF you tie the net to Goalposts you can save LOADS of walking time if opponents kick the ball thru the goal .

 

coachkev

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Reply with quote  #42 

PART 2: RUSS CARRINGTON'S WORLD OF INVENTIONS:

 

Russ comes up with a BRILLIANT invention called the THOUGHTBLOW.

Simple to use and virtually inconspicuous to wear. Blowing of the THOUGHTBLOW will give the blower untold number of powers on the pitch.

With ONE blast players will stop, TWO blasts will have players screaming at each other. A LONG blast means you can control the START and END of a match.

 

P.S.

NOT to be confused with a Referee's WHISTLE which can ONLY be used by professional lunatics.

coachkev

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Reply with quote  #43 

 

 

PART 3: RUSS CARRINGTONS WORLD OF INVENTIONS

 

Here, Russ creates one of his BEST 'Inventions' yet.

No more boring rectangular symetrical halfs of a pitch.

No more corner kicks (no corners -brilliant eh?)

No more left right halfs, goalkeepers ONLY pockets HALF and FULL forwards

No more byelines , halfway lines etc just BOUNDARYS.

And he calls it THOUGHTSOCCER KANGAROO RULES.

 

 

Whats that???...............its ALREADY been invented.....Naw it CANT have.....RUSS invented it in the USA.......What??............Its called AUSSIE RULES.......Are you SURE.......Is this some sort of conspiracy between that limey Coachkev and that Scotsman Willie something???.............

Oooooooooooooh Shooooot...........back to the Triangle Three defense then Russ!

Scotsoc

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Reply with quote  #44 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFB

Time to revive CB's comedy hour -

 

1.  How do you tell if Russ has been playing soccer?  He stumbles up to you explaining he was playing goal keeper and exclaims, "I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

 

2.  Russ takes Mr. Soccer's advise and goes to France to learn about soccer. He falls off a house boat into the river.  Floating in the water, he shouts, "Help, I'm in Seine."  Everybody nearby sighs in relief and says, "Its about time he realized it!"

 

3.  Having returned home, Russ saw the door knocker on his house for the first time.   Believing he must have invented it, he immediately left for Stockholm to claim his "No Bell" prize.  Unfortunately, he then came home again.

 

Your turn, Willie.

 

Ok, ok, I'll join your t(ri)ango

 

Did you hear about the time a helicopter landed in Russ's garden?  By the time the Police arrived he was feeding bread to it.

 

Russ flooded the soccer field during the game last week because he wanted to put his subs on.


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coachkev

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Reply with quote  #45 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scotsoc
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFB

Time to revive CB's comedy hour -

 

1.  How do you tell if Russ has been playing soccer?  He stumbles up to you explaining he was playing goal keeper and exclaims, "I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

 

2.  Russ takes Mr. Soccer's advise and goes to France to learn about soccer. He falls off a house boat into the river.  Floating in the water, he shouts, "Help, I'm in Seine."  Everybody nearby sighs in relief and says, "Its about time he realized it!"

 

3.  Having returned home, Russ saw the door knocker on his house for the first time.   Believing he must have invented it, he immediately left for Stockholm to claim his "No Bell" prize.  Unfortunately, he then came home again.

 

Your turn, Willie.

 

Ok, ok, I'll join your t(ri)ango

 

Did you hear about the time a helicopter landed in Russ's garden?  By the time the Police arrived he was feeding bread to it.

 

Russ flooded the soccer field during the game last week because he wanted to put his subs on.

 

1. Russ invented a new way of parachuting that cuts accidents down by 95%. He buys up ALL parachutes that were made BEFORE 1910. He then hands them out to groups of buyers warning them NOT to open the parachutes until they are 10m from the ground as they are very old and fragile. If ANY of the group asks "WHAT happens if the parachute DOESNT open??", Russ replies "Surely you can jump 10m can't you????".

 

2. Russ invented a classic new game called "INVISIBLE CHESS"

It guarantees a 100% win average EVERY game.

 

3. Scotsoc, CB and AFB decide to take a ride in a Hot AIr Balloon. After taking off they get horribly lost in the thick dense fog of the countryside and they let some air out so they can get lower to find out where they are.

Uncannily they drift over Russ's house and Scotsoc shouts out to Russ...

" H E L L O down there, WHERE ARE WE ??.... to which Russ replied...."You CAN'T fool ME.....youre ALL up there in that Balloon arent you??"

 

 

 

JimN

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Reply with quote  #46 
kev, funny stuff.  If you get a chance, can you drop me an email at f u t b o l j i m A.T. comcast DOT net

I think I may be arriving with some coaching friends in London the end of March, and have a few questions for you.


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thoughtsoc

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Reply with quote  #47 

You all most definitely need a 12-step program of some kind.

AFB

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Reply with quote  #48 

Russ,

 

You may stumbled on something worth while for once.  What with the young coaches who have come here, fresh from playing careers, and others like Dev still living the dream, a true introduction to the reality of life after playing and moving on to coaching is probably needed.  With some editing I "borrowed" this from a friend who spent some time on a US Junior National Team before joining the Marines and being wounded in Somalia - Craig Kasten this is for you. 

 

12 Step Program for Soccer Players who read Soccer Forums in the hopes they can transition to being soccer coaches:


1.  I play soccer and go to soccer forums, I have a problem – I want to coach.   This is the first step to recovery...

2. Speech:

  • Words like pitch, kit, and "PT" will get you weird looks; grass field, clothes, workout, get used to it.
  • "F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
  • Grunting is not talking.


3. Style:

  • Do not wear cleats to go to the office.
  • Learn to use a belt; dockers do not have draw strings.
  • Long pants have advantages over shorts – they hide legs where only the knees are tanned for one thing.
  • The smell of old shin guards, goalie gloves and wet shoes is not appreciated by most people, especially when they have been residing in a hot car for 12 hours; nor is the smell masked by lots of after shave.
  • Hair cuts once a month are a wise investment.
  • Spending time indoors does not make you a bad person; it makes you like the rest of the world.
  • You do not have to wear shin guards ALL the time.


4. Women:

  • Not all soccer Moms are easy, ride in Limos, nor is Mick10 a real pimp – he just thinks he is.
  • Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your third.
  • Marrying a girl so that you can get a Visa and work in a foreign country does not make "financial sense", it makes you a moron.

5. Personal accomplishments as a goal keeper:

  • In the real world, being able to do 1,000 situps with your legs off the ground will not make you good at your job.
  • Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people whose ribs and legs you broke simply because they ran into you.
  • How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
  • The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.


6. Drinking:

  • In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you".
  • That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.
  • That time you went to the coaching course and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter.


7. The human body:

  • Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true. 


8. Spending habits:

  • One day, you will have to pay bills.
  • Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
  • Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
  • One day you will need health insurance.


9. Interacting with former American football players:

  • Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.


10. Real jobs - you will need one in addition to coaching:

  • They really can fire you.
  • On the flip side you really can quit.
  • Screaming at the people that work with you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too and you can be fired.
  • Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
  • Remember 9-5.


11. The Law:

  • Judicial punishment does exist and your former coach and playing reputation will not only not save you from prison, they will probably make it all the more likely.
  • Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job anymore (JohnR that one is for you ).
  • Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.


12. General knowledge:

  • You can in fact really say what you think about the Referee crew after the game.
  • Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
  • Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.
  • Do not read anything Russ Carrington, a/k/a Thoughtsoc writes as being serious unless you can answer the following question with a straight face:  Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

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Some wisdom from Winston Churchill:

"Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened."

"You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else."
benji

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Reply with quote  #49 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFB
  • That time you went to the coaching course and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter.
What happens at an NSCAA coaching course stays at the NSCAA coaching course. TO-GA! TO-GA! TO-GA!

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coachkev

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Reply with quote  #50 

Quote from AFB...

 

12. General knowledge:

  • Do not read anything Russ Carrington, a/k/a Thoughtsoc writes as being serious unless you can answer the following question with a straight face:  Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

I'll tell you why.....its the same answer............they are BOTH Quackers

TomK

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Reply with quote  #51 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFB
  • Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.


If you don't have diaper-wearing kids, buying diapers is foolish.


AFB

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Reply with quote  #52 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TomK
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFB
  • Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.



If you don't have diaper-wearing kids, buying diapers is foolish.


 

Good point, Tom.  Change it to: "Spend money on condoms or you will on diapers.  Rhythm is only helpful when dancing or playing music."


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Some wisdom from Winston Churchill:

"Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened."

"You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else."
Scotsoc

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Reply with quote  #53 
Quote:
Originally Posted by afb

 

12. General knowledge:

  • Do not read anything Russ Carrington, a/k/a Thoughtsoc writes as being serious unless you can answer the following question with a straight face:  Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

 

 

Why did Donald duck in the first place?  Was the ball going straight for his .... er.... um ... face?

 

 


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Scotsoc

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Reply with quote  #54 

I heard that Russ was on a fitness drive and told his team that he wanted them all to run 5 miles every day for a full week.  At the end of the week his team was 35 miles away

 


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BobC

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Reply with quote  #55 

You boys should be ashamed of yourselves... 


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When a flower doesn't bloom, fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower

Scotsoc

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Reply with quote  #56 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobC

You boys should be ashamed of yourselves... 

 

We are Bob, very ashamed

 

Thing is Bob, I've got to post or I'll lose my membership of the Band of Brothers

 


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TomK

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Reply with quote  #57 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobC

You boys should be ashamed of yourselves... 

 

I'm not sure if you're serious. but I think many of the comments do not reflect well on their authors.  I'm not saying that Russ does not bring this on.   He does.   But the reaction to his posts is not his doing.   It is natural and  probably inevitable that replies to him would show some (or a lot of) frustration and annoyance.  I'm not really talking about those posts.  But making these sorts of jokes about him is not nice.  It may drive him away which may be the intent, but there are better ways to deal with him, IMO.

 

The best way is to not respond.   If anyone immediately stopped replying to home that minute he even hinted at his favorite themes, specifically the anti-establishment theme, usually characterized by the "Who made you the soccer sheriff and why can't less experienced coaches have the same respect?", and the "me vs the rest of you" theme, characterized by just that.  These often intermingle.  I would exempt any thread that Russ starts because digressing into these side issues hijacks his thread and not somebody else's.

 

Russ,

I don't watch Dr Phil very often, as I am usually working or doing something else more worthwhile, but I have the impression that he has a phrase that he uses with people who are indulging in self-destructive behavior: "How's that working for you?"    What would your answer be if I were to ask you that question about your participation here?   What would you advise if you were counseling someone and they brought in a transcript of one of these topics?    This is a serious question.

 

The answer, as I see it, depends on what your objectives are.  If your objective is to get attention, your approach is working, though most of it is negative.    If your objective is to be accepted, then you are failing.  If you are convinced of the correctness of your ideas and want to persuade others to use them, then you are failing.   If you want to pat yourself on that back for maintaining your "intellectual integrity" in the face of insurmountable odds, then you may be succeeding, but what is that really worth?   I heard a radio caller comment positively on a state political figure, saying that at least he stood up for his principles.  What he did do actually hurt his cause.  In the long run, his actions were significantly less effective than mooning the Supreme Court building and certainly no more admirable.

 

BTW, I agree with AFB that diversity is not a worthwhile objective in and of itself, though it it often regarded as such by colleges and such.   It is wrong to presume based on group identity.    If the people who participate here dismissed your ideas because you never played professionally or have coached less than N years, that would be wrong.  Nothing to get to too upset over, but wrong.  If they dismiss your ideas because they believe you fail to explain them sufficiently and believe they are flawed, then your best bet is to try to explain them again.  If you have exhausted that approach and can't think of another way to try, just give up.  Accept that fact that you can't persuade most of us and let the topic drop.  It is totally ineffective and highly annoying to argue that you have answered the question, just "not to your satisfaction".  If you want to persuade people, you have to answer to their satisfaction.

 

To reiterate my main point (to Russ):

What is your objective?  Are you achieving it acting they way you have been?   What could you do differently to have more success?  (As a counselor, I'm sure you realize that wishing everyone here was open-minded and intelligent enough to appreciate your wisdom is off limits.)

 

To reiterate my main point to everyone else:

When Russ "goes off the deep end" in a topic that he didn't start, do not reply or comment on his post, or comment on him.   You have the ooptionof spinning off a new topic.   If he starts a topic and he annoys you, don't read it and don't comment.  Obviously, this would be voluntary, but I think it would be beneficial.

Scotsoc

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Reply with quote  #58 

Well Tom, I can't speak for the others but I'm just replying as Russ does, i.e. the reply bears no relation to the points raised.

 

He brings it on himself, he craves attention and is full of self pity.  He claims that there is some sort of conspiracy against him, that we all have a hidden agenda because we all disagree with him.  If you read our replies you will find that we are not always 100% in agreement with each other but Russ chooses to ignore this fact.  Rather than put forward any reasoned argument he just posts the same drivel time after time and has been doing so for several years now, if he doesn't get the response he wants he'll pick a name at random and reply directly to that person.

 

It has got to the stage where I don't even bother to read all of his ramblings, I just pick out one or two bits.  Yes I agree it isn't nice to take the piss, and I admit that's what I do, however IMO he asks for it, and I think he enjoys the attention it brings him in fact I'm sure he'll be sitting chuckling at your "support" for him on this post.

 

I will admit though that Russ does contribute positively to the forum, in a roundabout way as there are many good reasoned replies to his drivel which I'm sure many coaches will find informative.

 

As you know he refuses point blank to answer simple relevant questions asked of him and for that I have no respect for him.

 

He "cleverly" brings the TT, three and a drop and side to side into posts at every opportunity knowing full well that people will respond to him which gives him the opportunity to post the guff he's been posting for several years.

 

Well maybe you are correct, maybe we should all just ignore him and see how mant pages he can get a post up to by just replying to himslef.

 

As I said I have no time for him any more, I don't take him seriously and I see every thread he starts as another "." thread and you know the kind of nonsense that was posted on ".".  I have more intelligent conversations with the 4 yos I work with than I do with Russ.

 

 

 


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coachkev

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Reply with quote  #59 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TomK
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobC

You boys should be ashamed of yourselves... 

 

I'm not sure if you're serious. but I think many of the comments do not reflect well on their authors.  I'm not saying that Russ does not bring this on.   He does.   But the reaction to his posts is not his doing.   It is natural and  probably inevitable that replies to him would show some (or a lot of) frustration and annoyance.  I'm not really talking about those posts.  But making these sorts of jokes about him is not nice.  It may drive him away which may be the intent, but there are better ways to deal with him, IMO.

 

The best way is to not respond.   If anyone immediately stopped replying to home that minute he even hinted at his favorite themes, specifically the anti-establishment theme, usually characterized by the "Who made you the soccer sheriff and why can't less experienced coaches have the same respect?", and the "me vs the rest of you" theme, characterized by just that.  These often intermingle.  I would exempt any thread that Russ starts because digressing into these side issues hijacks his thread and not somebody else's.

 

Russ,

I don't watch Dr Phil very often, as I am usually working or doing something else more worthwhile, but I have the impression that he has a phrase that he uses with people who are indulging in self-destructive behavior: "How's that working for you?"    What would your answer be if I were to ask you that question about your participation here?   What would you advise if you were counseling someone and they brought in a transcript of one of these topics?    This is a serious question.

 

The answer, as I see it, depends on what your objectives are.  If your objective is to get attention, your approach is working, though most of it is negative.    If your objective is to be accepted, then you are failing.  If you are convinced of the correctness of your ideas and want to persuade others to use them, then you are failing.   If you want to pat yourself on that back for maintaining your "intellectual integrity" in the face of insurmountable odds, then you may be succeeding, but what is that really worth?   I heard a radio caller comment positively on a state political figure, saying that at least he stood up for his principles.  What he did do actually hurt his cause.  In the long run, his actions were significantly less effective than mooning the Supreme Court building and certainly no more admirable.

 

BTW, I agree with AFB that diversity is not a worthwhile objective in and of itself, though it it often regarded as such by colleges and such.   It is wrong to presume based on group identity.    If the people who participate here dismissed your ideas because you never played professionally or have coached less than N years, that would be wrong.  Nothing to get to too upset over, but wrong.  If they dismiss your ideas because they believe you fail to explain them sufficiently and believe they are flawed, then your best bet is to try to explain them again.  If you have exhausted that approach and can't think of another way to try, just give up.  Accept that fact that you can't persuade most of us and let the topic drop.  It is totally ineffective and highly annoying to argue that you have answered the question, just "not to your satisfaction".  If you want to persuade people, you have to answer to their satisfaction.

 

To reiterate my main point (to Russ):

What is your objective?  Are you achieving it acting they way you have been?   What could you do differently to have more success?  (As a counselor, I'm sure you realize that wishing everyone here was open-minded and intelligent enough to appreciate your wisdom is off limits.)

 

To reiterate my main point to everyone else:

When Russ "goes off the deep end" in a topic that he didn't start, do not reply or comment on his post, or comment on him.   You have the ooptionof spinning off a new topic.   If he starts a topic and he annoys you, don't read it and don't comment.  Obviously, this would be voluntary, but I think it would be beneficial.

Tom, Russ's problem is that he thinks he's Jesus reincarnate....all this "Forgive them for they know not what they do" stuff.....doesnt help his cause.

Anyway the first rule of acceptance is the ability to laugh at oneself.

Russ is a big boy....if all this WAS bothering him then he simply wouldnt stay...but he just LOVES being the center of attention even if its in a derogatory way.

Most of us on here have gone through the whole gamut of reactions with Russ from reading his thoughts on certain issues and then informing him of the flaws in his findings to now becoming a figure of fun because he REFUSES to compromise on his dated ideals.

 

He's like the man who jumps off the Eiffel Tower and shouts.."I DON'T BELIEVE IN GRAVITY " all the way to the ground

 

 

Scotsoc

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Reply with quote  #60 

Yes, Kev, and that reminds me of another question I asked him which he still hasn't answered and that is  "why isn't there gravity in space"?

 

 


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